i remember the happiest moments of my life is when i would laugh with my mom and brother when i was younger. it was so much fun and there was so much joy that we shared with each other. as i grew up, there was this wall that i built where those moments didn’t happen as much. i guess thats just part of the teenage experience. the biggest blow is when i lost it all completely. i would pretend that i was happy, but deep down i carried around a sadness that i couldn’t shake. i missed those days of laughing about nothing with my mom and brother, i still do. there was a sense of peace, that there was nothing in the world to worry about. i miss that type of joy. these days, now that i have let myself heal and grow, i am able to bring joy into my life and to others. i think the thing that helps me do this is to be kind and compassionate without expectations. if i bring this type of energy into my daily i find, for myself, that i can get a glimpse of that joy that i miss. i want to be just like my mother. i miss her, i miss my joy.